Crucial Conversations

Crucial Conversations are critical for the health of an organizational. 

You cannot fix what you don't talk about!

I have witnessed organizations where the atmosphere was full of toxic energy. Managers have disputes with other managers and subordinates, employees don't get along with management and conflict abounds. Often groups begin to form around individuals and sides are made. If issues surrounding the negativity are not discussed, they will continue to fester until an amputation or severing of the organization's members is necessary. 

TO AVOID CONFLICT IN ORGANIZATIONS, CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS ARE NECESSARY!

 "Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High" (written by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler) defines a crucial conversation as a discussion between two or more people where the (1) stakes are high, (2) opinions vary, (3) and emotions run strong. Crucial conversations are necessary for the health and operation of every organization.

There are three choices when it comes to addressing (having a dialogue) concerning issues at work:

1. We can avoid them.
2. We can face them and handle them poorly.
3. We can face them and handle them well.

When a conversation is essential to address a problem, they move from casual conversations to crucial conversations. By definitions, conversations become crucial when three factors are present.

1. When the stakes are high.
2. When opinions vary.
3. When emotions run strong.

Many situations can lead to disaster if the conversation regarding the situation is not handled properly.

Personal issues

• Ending a relationship
• Asking a friend to repay a lone or pay their share of the expenses
• Dealing with a rebellious child
• Discussing hurt feelings
• Confronting bad behavior

Organizational issues

• Correcting an employee's behavior or work
• Making a major change in organizational processes and procedures
• Giving the boss feedback about procedures or changes
• Asking for a raise
• Confronting a peer or superior about unethical behavior

Organizations (employees) that learn to effectively discuss high stake, high emotion issues are organizations (employees) that will succeed. The ability to discuss openly about the high stakes and emotional  aspects is a source of power. Crucial conversations are at the heart of almost all chronic problems in organizations. The key skill of effective leaders (and employees) is the capacity to skillfully address emotionally and politically risky issues.

Mastering the crucial conversation will take the employee's career to the next level.

Dialogue is important. The mistake that many make in crucial conversations, is the belief that we much choose between telling the truth and having conflict or avoid the truth to avoid conflict. Dialogue is the free flow of meaning between two or more people. By definition, when two people enter a "crucial conversation," they do not share opinions. One party thinks one thing, the other thinks another thing. Potential conflict is ramped up when one or both parties have strong emotions (convictions) about their opinion. The key to having a crucial conversation is to enter a "pool" of shared meaning. Both parties must hear the other's opinions of the other without dismissing them outright. [The author's call this the pool of shared meaning.] The pool of shared meaning is where synergy is born.

Crucial conversations must take place in a safe atmosphere. If one or both parties do not feel that their opinions are heard, they may not share them. If one or both parties feel there may be reprisals if they share their opinion, they may not share them. Crucial conversations are only successful if every individual feels safe in sharing their opinions. If there is a safe environment, almost anything can be discussed. 

Keys for a crucial conversation:

1. Start with a heart of empathy and understanding
2. Make and keep the atmosphere of safety
3. Seek first to understand, then to be understood
4. Keep emotions in check
5. Share openly and honestly
6. State what you want and what you don't want
7. Don't speak abrasively
8. Focus on mutual agreement
9. Separate fact from opinion
10. Agree on a plan of action that is best for the organization

New management wanted to take the company in another direction, but they knew that the current employees might not welcome the changes. The management first established the urgency for changes and established a new vision. Then they established a safe environment by insuring the employees their opinions are needed and no reprisals will be levied for dissenting opinions. After everyone shared their opinions, the new management and current employees developed a blueprint for implementing the new vision. This would not have been possible without a crucial conversation.

The book, Crucial Conversations, is a valuable resources for every organization. This article was not a book review per se, but was summarized to give employees valuable information for their success. Please add this book to your development library.

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